I really want to learn how to be selfless, I think that is the only way I can truly be happy… or as close to happiness as you can get.

I do believe in Karma. I do believe in humility and charity. And yet I still am so self-absorbed and materialistic. I cried yesterday because I felt bloated and gross. I cried as if the entire world cared whether or not I was bloated. I felt like the world was crashing down on me and I was hysterically crying because of it. HOW LUDICROUS? 

You know why I cook all the time? Because I love feeding people, and presenting the world with my food porn and seeing my friends have foodgasms when they eat my food.

So here I am sitting at home with no job, no money, crying because I think I’m fat, and then ranting about it on tumblr…

I need a plan. I need to figure myself out, get myself together, stop being so closed and bitter (seriously, I almost never make eye contact with people and if I do its a huge snobbish death glare), and jump out into the world. 

I don’t want to be thin or successful. I just want to have a purpose in this world. I want to love and be loved. I just need to find the courage to come out of my shell.

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